Posted by: anxiouslyengaged | August 26, 2008

The Difference Between Men and Women

Men and women are different. When I proposed to my wife, I already knew that. In fact, that was one of the things I liked most about my wife: she wasn’t like my roommates. But I really had no idea how deep those differences were.

Before we began planning our wedding, I thought I did a pretty good job understanding my wife. I said, “Do you want to marry me?” And she said, “Yes.” I assumed that she meant that she was willing to spend the rest of her life with me and I was right. I was off to a great start.

As we started planning the wedding, she would call me and say something like, “I need help with the flowers.” Now, as a man, I assumed “help” was an action word. I believed my fiancée wanted me to do something. I thought she wanted me to buy some flowers, grow a large patch of flowers or lift something heavy. In fact, what she wanted was for me to listen while she explained what she thought about the flowers.

I was confused. She’d asked me to help, but instead I was just listening to her. I didn’t feel like I was helping; I felt like I was wasting my time. I had things that I needed to do, Halo certainly wasn’t going to play itself.

But when I let my fiancée know how I felt by groaning, rolling my eyes, or trying to leave, she would get upset. She would say something like, “Why don’t you want to help me? This is your wedding too!”

Now, technically that may be true. But all men know instinctively that it’s not their wedding. It’s their wife’s wedding. Or maybe, sometimes, their mother-in-law’s wedding. But it’s never the groom’s wedding.

But I could tell by the look on her face that this was not the time to argue that point. (I can understand my wife some of the time).

Where did I go wrong? I’d forgotten that men and women are different. When men ask for help, it’s usually because they are physically unable to do something. Most man-help situations involve lifting something heavy, using someone’s truck, or asking someone’s ugly friend out.

When women ask for help, it usually involves “listening” and “feelings.” (As a married man, those are words are going to come up a lot).

Listening is a lot more difficult than most types of man-help, even driving someone to the airport. It requires you to be interested and involved in things that don’t matter to you like colors, accessories, or Brangelina’s baby bump.

Now, you may be thinking, “That was an amusing anecdote. But what does this have to do with me?” (That’s a very selfish attitude) Here’s what this has to do with you. Someday, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but soon, your fiancée will call and say, “Honey, I need your help with something.” When that happens, remember that her idea of “help” may be less hands-on than you would expect.

Women appreciate it more when you listen than when you do some heavy lifting for them. But, if it makes you feel better, you can always tell your friends that you helped her out by lifting a piano, rebuilding her car’s engine, or fighting a rabid mountain lion.

written by Aaron Rowley




  1. Aaron, you’re awesome! That’s all there is to it! I’ll have my hubby read this when he gets home. He loves to give the active, hands on help too… 🙂

  2. Good job, Aaron. You are sounding very wise. I’m sure Sarah is very proud of your insight now.

  3. It’s wonderful to know that some men are picking up on ‘our ways.’ Sadly, it’s all true! Aaron did a magnificent job of explaining men’s role as groom and future husband. I hope a lot of grooms heed his words. They’ll get insight they didn’t expect!

  4. This is right on. I think it would help a lot of guys to understand the concept, but I also think that it can help us women-folk to understand why the men in our lives seem to not care about us because of their response to a certain topic. They care about us, but men don’t care about little things as much as women do.

  5. *snort* . . . . brangelina’s baby bump . . .

  6. you understand me better than I do myself… to think that all this time I only really wanted a sympathetic ear… Now how do I get all the guys in my life to figure this out?

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