Posted by: anxiouslyengaged | October 3, 2008

5 Things to Discuss BEFORE the Wedding!

Everyone loves surprises, except when it comes to knowing your sweetie. Here’s five monumental topics to clear up together before your wedding day.

 

When it comes to marriage matters, you might think that with toilet seat placement cooperation, the rest will fall into place. But, in reality, there are matters much more complex. Your marriage will require you to make important decisions throughout life. Creating a solid foundation before the wedding will benefit your marriage. If, that is, you take time with your fiancée to review the following:

 

1. Starting a Family:

Talk about parenthood. It’s normal to never feel ready for such a commitment, but be open about specifics. How many children would you each like to have? When would you like to start preparing for baby number one? The goal here is to come up with a decision that brings mutual comfort. Keep in mind that family plans can change in an instant, but an understanding of each other will strengthen you.

 

2. Responsibilities/ Roles:

Be ye doctor or janitor, define your working roles. Do you both want to work full time? Is he willing to make sacrifices so you can stay home when babies come along? Do you have a steady job you plan on keeping while your partner goes to school?

 

When your laundry pile is a mountain, your toilets bubble with bacteria and the baby smells of a dirty diaper, who will take care of it? Work together to assign an equal amount of responsibility. Perhaps you prefer certain chores. Does your partner hate to mow the lawn after being traumatized by running over a snake, and you love the sweet smell of chopped grass? Do you have a fetish for laundry scent? Who will pay the bills and balance the checkbook? Talk it over. If things get tense in the process, be thankful you are wrestling the issue beforehand and press on until it’s settled. (You can do it!) Grab a sheet of paper, chart it out. It works for children, it will work for you.

 

3. Religion and Values:

You met your partner at a church social. It’s obvious you share the same beliefs, right? You have a testimony, you know you want to get married in the temple, but there is so much more to it!

A fresh starting point will be to examine your attendance to church activities. How important is church attendance to your fiancée? Does your partner want to visit the temple often? Will you participate in sports and other activities associated with your ward?

Take a look at the activities you will hold in your home. Does your fiancée plan to read scriptures together each night? Do you want to hold Family Home Evening each week, even before there are kids? Do you both plan on having family prayer often?

Now let’s move on to the Sabbath. Everyone has different views on keeping it holy. Will you prefer to wear Sunday dress all day? Is television off limits? Are having friends over allowed? You’ll need to come together.

The last thing to talk about is your standards. Do you want PG-13 movies to be viewed in your home? Does your partner not mind if an R rated movie is watched, as long as it is edited or of good nature? Will you block certain websites or programs?

If anything else comes to you, feel free to bring it up. A wise choice when you are going over this subject is to be accepting of each other. Make goals together: visit the temple once a month, make an effort to read one verse daily of the Book of Mormon. Whatever they are, focus on your relationship and meeting in the middle when necessary.

 

4. Money:

Money is the most common cause of divorce. Discussing your finances thoroughly will keep your marriage balanced. Share your thoughts on bank accounts, savings accounts, budget plans, etc. If there is a large purchase you plan on making in your near future, let your partner be aware of it. Talk about any debt you currently have. Get in the habit of resolving and analyzing together from the start. This isn’t guaranteed to prevent every fight over finances in the future. It’s something you and your spouse will need to figure one paycheck at a time. Begin the process now. If the marriage will start with any debt, create a plan to eliminate it as soon as possible.

 

5. Long Term Goals:

You will now find that most of your long term goals have been brought up. It is wise, however, to focus on where you see yourselves in 5, 10, 20 years. Write down the things you want to accomplish. Talk about what you are doing now, and where they will take you years to come. This can be an exciting experience for both of you. You may even invent long term goals that you hope to achieve together. Don’t be afraid to dream big.

 

Congratulations, you made it through some topics that aren’t easy to bring up. Now that you are free of unwanted surprises, you can start practicing your Oh, you shouldn’t have face for the good surprises coming your way.

written by kylee wilkins

 

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Responses

  1. You really should add something about discussing sexual intercourse. In my opinion LDS people find it taboo to talk about these things and then they have an unhappy sex life when they are married. Sexual intercourse is a HUGE part of your married relationship, and it should be discussed and “worked on” during your marriage. A lot of my friends are unhappy in that aspect of their marriages and it puts as much strain, if not more than the financial problems do. The ones who have a happy sex life are almost always 100% happy with their marriage also.

  2. I could not agree with Jeannie more. I am on the board of directors for the State of Utah Marriage Coalition. Studies show that intimacy is the 2nd named reason for divorce (I am sure it is the lack of). Money is often the #1 reason. Intimacy is extremely important. It must be nurtured. Couples who are open with each other, and who want to share this sacred God given act with each other will have closeness and added strength in their marriage. Discuss this very important aspect of your marriage BEFORE your wedding night!!!


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